she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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