A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
