Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Even my vagina gasped.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
do nipples grow back?
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