I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
