i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
