that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
