Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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