I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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