Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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