he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
