It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
