If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
