Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
