i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
