i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
