But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
