Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
