i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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