remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the condom got lost in my hair
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize