If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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