So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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