My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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