Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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