I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
