He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
