K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
