i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize