then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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