It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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