I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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