Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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