giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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