Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
