dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
