In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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