Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
