I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize