Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
