he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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