A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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