I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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