now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
