I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
