Your mouth is God's brothel.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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