Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
