I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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