Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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