I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
