Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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