Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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