i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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