Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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