My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Randomize
