There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
