Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
