dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I puked a lego.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
