I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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