i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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