Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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