Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
