Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize