My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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