he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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