matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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