I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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