we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
