I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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