Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
