You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
