I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
