I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize